Aubrey Huff Is ‘Retarded’

Pardon my use of the “R” word, but in this form I’m using it as slang for “Unbelievable”.

I’m using it for the man who has captured the hearts of every Giants fan. The man who called the All-Star game retarded. The man who blogged that Andres Torres says “Hi” to him nine times a day.

He’s the man.

Here’s a fun fact — Huff ($3 Million) has 19 homers, that’s four more than Aaron Rowand, Egar Renteria and Pablo Sandoval combined. And those three also take up $24 Million of our payroll.

This is the fun part of the Huff experiment, the part where Huff has no downside. Who knows, maybe he’s older and more mature — but let’s not forget, Huff has made a career of PR head-shakers.

But maybe he does have a different attitude this year — maybe he’s that Gamer we need… We all know our other Gamer died in a field a few years ago.

After the jump let me warn you THERE IS EXPLICIT CONTENT!

Now that that’s out of the way, check out a bit Aubrey Huff did on the “Bubba the Love Sponge” show.

Bubba: Now Aubrey, do you jack off a lot on the road, like when you’re not with your wife.

Huff: It’s all I do. It’s all I do. You guys have no idea how much downtime there is in baseball. You wake up from a hangover about 1 o’clock.

Producer shouts: In the afternoon?

Huff: Oh, yeah! Lemme tell you this. When you are hung over, how horny are you? I’m horny, when I’m hungover, I’m horny. So I’m just gonna beat off. And that’s all I do.

Oh boy.

He also called Baltimore a “horse shit” town — which I can’t really argue with.

But that’s the draw with this guy. He’s real, he holds nothing back and I apparently he masturbates a lot.

He has been nothing but entertaining and dominant here in San Francisco and that’s really all you can ask for.

He’s entering the tail-end of his career, but will likely see a HUGE payday from Brian Sabean after this season — then we’ll see who Huff really is.

Until then, I’m fine with sitting back and watching the Huff Express run our city. He has done whatever is needed of him, he’s come to every game prepared — and he has an inside the park home run.

And hopefully his “retarded” comment is as bad as his PR gaffes get — then again, I’m sure Baltimore thought the same thing right before he went on the “Bubba The Love Sponge” show.